Halloween micromix

C'est l'Halloween. Or something. Every year its the same for me: I can't for the life of me think of an awesome costume, until after Halloween, of course. Same thing happened this year. I am sure that as soon as the clock strikes midnight I will also be struck by a wave of awesome ideas which will inevitably be forgotten as the months pass. Will my ideas fade into obscurity, like Steve Gutenberg? Or will I actually write them down somewhere, dammit!

Anyway, short post; just wanted to offer a Halloween-themed micromix, because I am a huge geek. Totally by accident, the 13 songs take up 66.6 MB of space. Awesome.

1. Atlas Sound - Coffin Trick
2. The Creeping Nobodies - Fragment
3. Queens of the Stone Age - Go With the Flow
4. Zombie Zombie - I'm Afraid of What's There
5. Ghetto Cross - Dog Years
6. Desert Sessions - A Girl Like Me
7. Carmelo Giacchino - Industrialey
8. Cat Power - The Devil's Daughter
9. Clark- Roulette Thrift Run
10. Deerhunter - Little Kids (demo)
11. Chad VanGaalen - Rabid Bits of Time
12. Frustration - Faster
13. PJ Harvey - The Mountain

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Canadian Barista Championship

At Twitchy. Alex from Mercury used soymilk in his signature drink! There is hope yet for vegan baristas. Go Alex!

Updates, lies, etc.

So apparently I am an unrepentant liar. I have been saying that we will not be roasting coffee on-site until further notice. Well, I roasted some last night. And four nights before that. We now have freshly dark roasted Sumatran, and medium roasted Ethiopian and Mexican. Come and get it.

Also, for the time being (meaning until who knows when), we will be using the previously mentioned Sumatran for espresso. Why? Because we, well, we ran out of Bolivian green beans that's why. I still have nearly 4 lbs of it behind the counter and will be using that until its gone, but after that it is Sumatran Mandheling triple-picked unwashed beans. Now, you must be warned, it is very different than Bolivian - it is a very divisive bean; people either love it or hate it. Before we opened, we tried some Sumatran for espresso. Lay Yong was very impressed with its sweetness, and I have to say so was I. Lay Yong and Boss Bitty nearly decided right then and there to be a little crazy and use it as our espresso. I am not sure what it would be like in a cappuccino or latte, but I roasted it a little darker than normal to make it comparable in darkness to our Bolivian. Hopefully the gigantic Indonesian beans could take it. I can't wait to try Sumatran espresso again; this could spark some forays into actually making a signature espresso blend here. But I am getting ahead of myself.

And speaking of Boss Bitty: couple of nights ago she broke her ankle. The poor bitty! And she is terrible on crutches! And she will be in a cast for six weeks maybe! And now the cafe is left in the hands of a bipolar jerk! Oh noes! Just kidding, but not really. We'll be fine here, except our regular scheduled operating hours may fluctuate without notice. For instance, I am closing tomorrow night, but I have no idea who is opening; Julie has another job, I have plans already (and I almost never have plans, so plz just let me be thx), and Boss Bitty is broken.

We are taking donations here for the Get Well Soon Boss Fund (AKA Get Chris and Julie more tips Fund); and Boss told me to promote a special deal: buy a bag of our freshly-roasted beans and you can sign her cast! Sweet deals. You could write anything you wanted, since you basically paid for the space. No advertising though. Thanks. So much.

I go to sleep but think that you're next to me

The last words she said to me were in a language I could never hope to understand. They took me abruptly out of the moment, probably one of the most important moments thus far; as I struggled to comprehend I forgot that she had run up the steps of my front porch, eyes wide in the dark of the street. I forgot that she was right here, lips pressed to mine, her hands searching my face, my hair, my body, for something, any indication of anything, really. Struck dumb by her words, I gave her nothing. That is why she walked away, just as swiftly and quietly as she arrived, the fog swallowing her whole.

Later I dreamt that I observed her from behind a window pane. She was moving farther and farther away. I could not speak. Tearing open the door, I practically lept outside, my eyes searchlights in the deepening fog, pinpointing her disappointed mouth. Still, I could not speak; I implored her with my eyes.

She only shook her head slightly, and then receded farther and farther away.

I woke up.


I am having more difficulty than usual looking people in the face today. I feel like they know what a fuck up I am. This is an issue. I need perspective. But I want to turn back time to last night, to that crucial moment, to actually be present. And then I want to race forward in time to tonight. I don't want now. Now is a huge obstacle. Why can't later be now? I have a chance at happiness tonight, messy, chaotic, intense happiness. I cannot wait. I cannot wait. I cannot wait.

OMGZ Results!

It is over folks. The polls here at TAN are closed.

And the results are in.

The winner of the fake Kanadian Election through your gracious tips is.....



ME! AND JULIE! WOO! BY A LANDSLIDE! WOO!

Really, it wasn't even close. Not even with Skippy the Hat-Wearing Monkey, Esq. Julie and I win it all!

Okay okay. I thank everyone who participated in our non-scientific, just-for-fun social experiment; and I know Julie thanks you too, from the bottom of her cold, cold heart. But now, here are the (fake) real results you have been salivating for:

Elizabeth May, Green Party - 44.2%
Jack Layton, NDP - 29.1%
Stephane Dion, Liberal Party - 22.5%
Stephen Harper, Conservative Party - 4.2%

Ladies and gentlemen, there you have it: the way the election should have gone. Alas, it is not to be. We are poised for yet another Conservative minority, which probably means another election in two years. Jeez.

Anyway, thanks again everyone. I am going to donate my tips to the Conservative Party of Canada, or perhaps to the McCain/Palin-Palin campaign. Jokes. Here's a hint: two hookers and an 8 ball. Goodnight!

(Not Really) Liveblogging the (Fake) Kanadian Election

So people seem to love this whole vote with your tips thing; yeah its a real conversation starter or something. I will just keep updating this post with the latest news, the scoops, interesting trivia, and other neat things.

But lets get to the meat of the matter! Who is the front-runner? Who is dead in the water? What animals do each of the major candidates most resemble?

As of 930pm tonight, the tally is:

Green Party - 49.1%
NDP - 25%
Liberals - 21.8%
Conservative - 4.1%

Elizabeth May, who many are saying won the English-language debate, is in clear majority territory here at TAN (at least by current Federal election standards), followed by the tenacious Jack Layton of the NDP (who really should incorporate the term "moustache ride" in his campaign somehow). Not too far behind is Stephane Dion's Liberals, and last but... well, Conservative, is the psychopath (I forget his name). There is also an undecided tip cup, but to be honest I don't include the moneys in there in the tally, I just pocket it.

OMG it's after 10. We're closed, dammit!

Stay tuned! Or syndicated or whatever blah blah blah...

***UPDATE*** 4:20PM October 11 2008:

Greens - 45.8%
NDP - 25.9%
Liberal - 23.2%
Conservative - 5.1%

As you can see, everyone but the Green Party has gained some points. But they are still in a position to lead, and joined with the NDP in a coalition, they would be unstoppable in pushing their nefarious green tree-hugging agenda through.

Oh, and Jack Layton kind of looks like a sea lion. Doesn't he, though? Doesn't he?

And this, thanks Meredactyl:

***OMG ANOTHER UPDATE OMG*** 10:21PM OCTOBER 11

Green - 45.7%
NDP - 27.7%
Liberal - 22.2%
Conservative - 4.4%

Layton's NDP are slowly gaining ground, while the Greens continue their slide. Harpy gets no love and Liberals are third nerds.

Oh, and Elizabeth May looks like our national animal. Really. I can't be the only one who sees it. Awesome.


***October 12**** 4PM

Elizabeth "Hay Guyz Take Me Srsly Plz" May - 42.7%
Jack "Moustache Ride" Layton - 30.9%
Stephane "Check Out My Stamp Collection" Dion - 22.7%
Stephen "Stop Calling Me a Psychopath or I'll Unleash the Horrible Secret Underneath My Sweater" Harper - 3.7%

I can see what's happening here. I say May looks like a beaver and her lead continues to slide. I mention moustache rides courtesy of Jack Layton and his popularity surges. I should be his campaign manager. First thing on his policy list: Moustache Rides for all, although I am not sure about the logistics of moustache rides for fellas. Is there another term? Really help me out on that one.

And I should take this moment to introduce the undecided tip cup, a bitty regular drew a cute picture of a monkey wearing a cap by the name of Skippy, Esq. Esquire?! I says. Clearly he does not have the best interests of common working people at heart. Sounds like another fat cat candidate to me. But if you are undecided, toss the moneys in there; though I stress that the money in that cup is not counted, meaning of course your vote does not count. It merely allows me to continue feeding quarters into my pre-war era radiator so that my extremities don't freeze. Yay heroic poverty!

Anyway stay tuned for more sass and up-to-the-hour/day poll results.

UPDATE October 14 2008 2:45PM

No numbers for you yet, but today is the real election day, so if you haven't already you should get out there and vote. I had a small issue today with that, actually; I went to the polling station that is literally just up the street in a community center, where I have voted in the last two (or three) elections, and I still was not on the list. WTF? What's more, I was not even allowed to register there this time! They sent me to yet another polling station to vote. Honestly, I don't get it; I really should be on the list by now. I am feeling really lazy and sluggish today, so I was not too happy about having to go elsewhere to vote. But then I thought about people in other countries, who might have to wait hours and hours in line, only to touch a screen and have the vote disappear into thin air. Or, even worse still, voting with a gun to their heads. I only had to wait about three minutes. Crisis averted.

In coffee-related news, I roasted three batches of beans on the 12th: Bolivian, Ethiopian, and Peruvian. That may be the last time we roast until the roaster itself is made proper, so that we don't smoke everybody out. I heard that the contractors should be here very soon, but you know how they can be, with the not showing up and the taking forever to do things. I will keep you posted.

So, that is it for now; I will make the final tally this evening. I can assure you that my results will be more accurate than the real thing, and in the end, Jules and I will get all the moneys! Ha! As for the real thing, Torontoist will be liveblogging the results as they come in. Exciting times. Kind of.

Vote with your tips

I was just given a sweet idea by a customer. He mentioned a news piece about a coffee shop that had two tip jars: one said "Obama", the other, that other guy (let's call him "That one"). Customers could choose where to throw their tips. Of course, this being Kanada, they received two to three times more tips in the Obama jar. So starting this evening, we now have four tip jars, for the upcoming Kanadian election: I have omitted Duceppe, but if anyone complains I will add a fifth. This should be an interesting experiment; I just wish I had thought of it myself. So come on down and vote with your tips; and, no (but maybe yes) this is not a ploy to garner more moneys from you.

We here at TAN will not publicly endorse one candidate over another (except to say Harper can suck it); why just moments ago I served some very nice ladies who were very clearly canvassing on behalf of the Liberal Party. I promise I was nice to them, what with the scary "vandalism" going on in a couple of their ridings. Honestly, where are we, Columbia? But my point is that if you are of age, come Octoberry 14, skip school, skip work, skip cheating on your significant other, postpone fomenting a class-based revolution and get out there and vote. Even though it will not make much of a difference. Ha! A loyalist just asked where the cup was for the Marxist-Leninist Party. Oh man if I had to have a cup for every party that existed, I would have a lot of cups, let me tell you.

So I have decided to keep personal posts as separate as possible from the biz. Notice that this post is all biz, and it is posted by TAN. Any of my whiny, oh-my-life-is-so-horrible romantic issues will be posted by someone named "Chris". FYI is all.

OMG movie night! Right now! Gotta go!